Written by, Nicole Fuglsang, MA, LPC, NCC
When a child exhibits a fawning trauma response, parents must understand the underlying reasons and how to support their teen effectively. By recognizing the signs of fawning behavior, such as people-pleasing and avoiding conflict at all costs, parents can create a safe space for their teen to express their emotions and address the fawning response. Here’s what parents need to know about fawning as a trauma response, what they can do to help teens in the short term, and when treatment may be necessary for long-term mental health outcomes.
Table of Contents
What is Fawning?
A fawning trauma response in teens may include:
- Excessive people-pleasing.
- Difficulty expressing their own needs or opinions.
- Avoiding conflict at all costs.
Look for signs like constant agreement with others, fear of disappointing authority figures, and a lack of assertiveness.
How Can I Tell if My Teen is Fawning?
If you notice your teen constantly seeking approval, going along with others even when they disagree, or avoiding confrontation at all costs, they may be exhibiting fawning behavior. These could indicate a trauma response in your teen that requires understanding and support.
Examples and Signs of Fawning in Teens
In teens, fawning behavior as a trauma response can manifest in various ways. Here’s what it can look like in teens:
- Fawning over someone by always saying yes to please them, even at the expense of their own needs.
- Apologizing excessively, even when not at fault, to avoid conflict.
- Going along with what others want without asserting their own preferences.
- Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in situations where they can’t keep everyone happy.
What are the Symptoms of the Fawning Trauma Response in Teens?
Signs and symptoms of the fawning trauma response include excessive people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, avoiding conflict, and prioritizing others’ needs over their own.
Common Symptoms and Behaviors of Fawning
- Over-accommodating behavior: Teens who fawn may excessively agree with others, avoid conflict at all costs, and prioritize the needs of others over their own.
- Difficulty setting boundaries: They may struggle to assert themselves or say no, even when necessary for their well-being.
- Seeking external validation: Fawning teens often seek approval and validation from others to feel worthy or accepted.
- People-pleasing tendencies: They may go out of their way to please others, often at the expense of their own needs and desires.
- Suppressing emotions: Fawning teens may suppress their true feelings and opinions to avoid rejection or conflict.
- Feeling disconnected from oneself: Teens may have difficulty identifying their own wants, needs, and values, as their focus is primarily on pleasing others, which can cause them to feel disconnected from themselves.
- Fear of abandonment: A fawning trauma response may stem from a fear of rejection or abandonment, leading individuals to prioritize maintaining relationships over their own well-being.
The Cycle of People Pleasing: How Fawning Feeds Into Itself
Teens who exhibit fawning trauma responses often find themselves trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing. This behavior involves constantly seeking approval and validation from others, often sacrificing their own well-being. People-pleasers tend to prioritize the needs and wants of those around them, disregarding their boundaries and desires.
This excessive focus on pleasing others can lead to feelings of disconnection from oneself, as teens lose touch with their own wants and values in pursuit of external validation. People-pleasers may suppress their true emotions and opinions, fearing conflict or rejection if they were to assert themselves. This fear of abandonment can drive fawning teens to go to great lengths to maintain relationships, even when it compromises their own mental and emotional health. This cycle of constantly putting others before oneself can lead to constantly finding oneself in stressful situations, further perpetuating the need to please others to cope.
The Psychology Behind Fawning: Why Do Teens Do It?
Teens fawn due to a desire for acceptance, a fear of rejection, to minimize conflict and to navigate relationships. Factors such as peer pressure, societal expectations, and past experiences of rejection or trauma can influence this behavior.
Connecting Past Trauma to Present Behavior
Experiences of complex trauma can result in internalized shame, which can drive feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-worth, mistrust, hypervigilance due to the fear of rejection, abandonment or abuse, as well as an inability to express their basic needs and desires in any relationship. Feelings of shame can drive the development of defensive structures such as fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and feint responses, especially in cases of relational trauma.
When shame is triggered, teens can respond in many maladaptive ways, such as verbal or physical aggression, blaming others, self-harm, suicidality, isolation, withdrawal and avoidance of relationships, or with a fawn trauma response. These responses serve to numb or deflect the deep pain they experience from their traumatic experiences.
The Role of Environmental and Emotional Triggers
Environmental triggers for fawning can include situations with a perceived threat to social acceptance or safety, such as conflict or criticism. Emotional triggers may involve fear, insecurity, or the need for validation and belonging. Past experiences of trauma or rejection can also contribute to fawning behavior in teens.
The Role of Family in Trauma and Fawning
The family can play a significant role in trauma and the development of fawning behavior. Dysfunctional family dynamics, such as neglect, childhood abuse, or inconsistent parenting, can contribute to the development of childhood trauma. This trauma can lead teens to adopt a fawning trauma response as a coping mechanism, particularly in the context of an abusive relationship.
Family members can also directly or indirectly reinforce fawning behavior through patterns of enabling or invalidating a teen’s needs and boundaries. Severe family trauma can also lead to difficulties with forming healthy attachments and reactive attachment disorder in which a teen may show frequent passive-aggressive or angry behavior.
What Steps Should I Take to Help My Teen Stop Fawning?
To help your teen engage authentically and stop fawning responses, parents can encourage open communication, foster self-awareness, teach assertiveness skills, provide validation and support, and seek professional help when needed.
Communicate Openly and Empathetically
Create a safe and supportive environment where your teen feels comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment or criticism.
Here are some ways parents can communicate with their teens empathetically to help stop fawning:
- Provide focused attention and use curiosity to understand and emphasize the importance of what your teen is experiencing and sharing.
- Listen without interruption or judgment. Avoid giving advice.
- Be thoughtful and put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how they feel and respond with acceptance and empathy.
- Let them know you hear them by reflecting on what they have said: “It sounds like you …”
- Validate their feelings: “I understand that you are feeling…”
Provide a System of Support
Create a safe physical, emotional, and relational space for your teen to experience unconditional acceptance and true regard for ‘Who They Are’ and not for ‘What They Do.’ This will support them in being more open and engaged with you and exploring their thoughts, feelings and beliefs genuinely and authentically.
Educate Your Teens About Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Coping strategies will help your teen minimize stress, decrease negative and self-deprecating thinking, and provide the tools to create hope and the power to make positive change and experience greater value and well-being.
Foster Self-Awareness in Teens
Help your teen identify and understand their fawning behaviors, including the triggers and underlying emotions driving them. Common triggers might include authority figures, peer pressure, conflict, or high-stress environments.
Help Teens Learn Their Needs and How to Express Them
Another way to help with a fawning trauma response is to empower your teen to assert their boundaries, communicate their needs effectively, and stand up for themselves in a respectful manner.
Parents can do this by helping teens to:
- Create a safe and secure relationship through unconditional acceptance, empathetic responses, focused attention and engagement.
- Encourage open discussion about challenges and struggles while providing understanding and acceptance without giving advice or judgment.
- Focus on strengths and discourage comparison with siblings or peers.
- Encourage engagement with friends and family to increase positivity, encourage them to try new things, and encourage them to explore new experiences.
- Encourage volunteering to broaden interests and gain a sense of purpose and self-worth.
- Encourage mindfulness and create opportunities to reflect and journal to access awareness of their own feelings and needs to support a more positive sense of self.
Seek Professional Help If Needed
Consider seeking guidance from a therapist or treatment program that specializes in complex trauma and the fawning trauma response. Trauma-informed care can provide additional support and guidance for you and your teen.
What are the Treatment Options for Teens Struggling with Fawning?
Treatment options for teens who are struggling with fawning can include canine and animal-assisted therapy, dyadic development psychotherapy (DDP), cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), trauma-focused therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), family therapy, support groups, and medication.
Canine and Animal Assisted Therapy
Canine and animal-assisted therapy is a valuable intervention. It provides the teen with true unconditional acceptance and a consistent and present relationship that supports transferable attachment to their relationships with caregivers and family.
Dyadic-Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP)
DDP focuses on helping teens who have experienced complex developmental trauma and disruptions in the caregiving relational system through experiencing trust and security within a safe relationship based on empathy and unconditional acceptance, thus providing opportunities for the teen to more freely express their emotions and needs and more authentically engage in healthy relationships.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT therapy helps teens with a fawning trauma response identify and challenge negative thought patterns and associated behaviors while developing healthier coping strategies and communication skills.
Trauma-Focused and Informed Therapy
For teens who have experienced trauma contributing to their fawning behavior, trauma-focused therapy techniques such as brainspotting (BSP) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), structural family therapy, or trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) may be beneficial.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT focuses on teaching teens mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance skills to manage fawning behaviors and improve relationships.
Group Therapy
Group therapy creates the opportunity to foster experiences among teens experiencing similar challenges, gain peer support, and recognize that they are not alone and that change and growth are possible.
Family Therapy
Involving the family in therapy sessions can help address underlying family dynamics and communication patterns that contribute to a fawning trauma response, while also promoting healthier family interactions and relationships.
Support Groups
Participating in support groups with peers who have similar experiences can provide validation, encouragement, and practical strategies for managing fawning behaviors.
Medication
In some cases, medication may be prescribed to address underlying mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression that contribute to fawning behavior.
Which Treatment Is Right for My Teen?
If you’re looking for help for your teen who is struggling with trauma or fawning, we can help. We offer residential therapy that is uniquely equipped to heal the traumas that teens have experienced in life in a healing, nurturing environment.
What are the Dangers of Not Getting Treatment for Teen Trauma?
The dangers of not getting treatment for fawning behavior and teen trauma include psychological distress, impaired relationships, risky behaviors, difficulties at work and school, and increased risk of revictimization.
- Persistent psychological distress: Untreated trauma can lead to ongoing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can significantly impact a teen’s mental health and well-being.
- Impaired relationships: Teens who do not receive treatment for trauma may struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships, as unresolved trauma can affect their ability to trust, communicate, and connect with others.
- Risky behaviors: Without proper support and intervention, teens may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, self-harm, or other risky behaviors to numb their emotional pain or alleviate distressing symptoms associated with trauma. This can cause issues such as addiction that can last a lifetime.
- Academic and occupational difficulties: Untreated trauma can interfere with a teen’s ability to concentrate, perform academically, and achieve their potential in school or work settings, leading to long-term educational and vocational challenges.
- Increased risk of revictimization: Teens who have experienced trauma and do not receive treatment may be at higher risk of experiencing further trauma or victimization in the future, as untreated trauma can impact their ability to recognize and respond to potentially dangerous situations.
The Fawning Trauma Response: Moving Forward
Fawning behavior and trauma can impact multiple areas of a teenager’s life and can progress into adulthood if it’s not addressed. From persistent psychological distress to impaired relationships, risky behaviors, academic struggles, and an increased risk of revictimization or worsening mental health, the sooner parents and teens can identify symptoms of fawning, PTSD, and complex PTSD and address them, the better.
Seeking professional support and trauma therapy is crucial for healing and rewiring the mind and body from the effects of trauma. If you or your teen is showing signs of fawning, trauma, complex PTSD, or worsening mental health, contact or call us at 573-745-5662. We have extensive experience helping teens overcome trauma through healing care options.